My Story: a Lazy Eye, a Porn Addiction, and a Redeemer

Growing up, I was the introverted kid. I came from a good, loving family with two hard working parents who did the best that they could to provide for me and my two older siblings. Yeah, I had a couple of friends, but I really enjoyed spending time by myself. This meant weekends in front of the television screen playing Nintendo 64 and GameCube. My life really wasn’t all that bad, until I started getting made fun of.

The Lazy Eye 

See, when I was born my left eye was crossed and partially blind. This meant that while one eye looked forward, the other one looked slightly to the side. My parents eventually took me to get surgery in order to straighten the eye in hopes of helping me to see out of it, but it was just of no use. I still couldn’t see properly out of the thing, and it would still cross. Because of this, kids laughed at me during my time in elementary school. I even had a loved one call me a cyclops, being that I only had one “good” eye.

This really hurt. I just wanted to have two normal eyes like everyone else, not one. The pain from being made fun of by others at such a young age built up some thoughts of rejection and insecurity in me. I began to feel like I didn’t belong anywhere. So as the years went by, I began to isolate myself. And during that period of isolation was when I first discovered pornography.

Porn on Cinemax

Late at night, in the secrecy of my parent’s living room, I began watching “Soft-Core” porn movies on Cinemax and Moremax. Then, as time went on, softcore movies became hardcore videos on my parent’s computer, and my phone. The more I watched, the more my lust and curiosity grew. I wanted to see more and “do” more. So fast forward into my late teenage years, and I’m watching and masturbating every day.

I was addicted. And it wasn’t the small kind of addiction either. It was the UGLY kind where I couldn’t go one day, or even a couple of hours, without watching porn. Whether it was Xvideos, Pornhub, Hentaimedia, E-Hentai, Fakku.net, or Youjizz, I was always ready to gaze. My life went on like this for about 5 years until a transparent conversation happened with my girlfriend, who’s now my wife(I love you Germina!).

The Conversation that Led to My Freedom

On a hot summer night out of the blue, I told her about my masturbation struggle. Now mind you, the initial reaction of hearing that from someone that you’re involved with would be disgust, but hers was different. She didn’t judge me at all and actually encouraged me to stop. It was all Jesus in disguise showing me compassion. Some time passes by, I go to her church, meet Jesus, and get baptized. My life starts to change for the better. I begin to gain self-control and the ability to say no to porn. Days of freedom become weeks, then weeks become a month.

Yes, I succumbed several times during that period, but each time God picked me back up. He showed me that I was strong enough to resist porn now that His Spirit was by my side. And on December 25, 2014, out of a cry of desperation, He gave me the freedom that I desired. It has now been a little over 6 years since I last watched pornography. While I was at my lowest and darkest place, Jesus picked me up. He saw that I was still worth saving after all that I’d seen and done during my many years of porn addiction.    

Even At Your Lowest, Jesus Can Still Save You.

If you’re currently struggling with porn addiction, then you’re not alone. I too, along with millions of others, was once in your shoes. I know how it feels to be so entrapped in this addiction so much to the point where you start to think that there’s no way out. But there is a way out, and His name is Jesus Christ. If you submit your addiction to Jesus Christ, He will give you the freedom that you’ve been searching for. He will give your porn addiction an expiration date and shower you with His love. His word says, “Who the Son sets free is free indeed” (John 8:36 NKJV). Your freedom journey from pornography can start as early as now if you give it to Jesus today. If this story has touched you in any way, please feel free to either comment or share. Don't forget to subscribe for more updates, and God bless you.